Discussion about this post

User's avatar
Charles Clemens's avatar

Very nice. I was captured by the very first paragraph. I like the fact that you use the term "carts" to describe some conveyances. This is an unusual term where I live. You did a good job with the dialog, and it wasn't interrupted by too much inner musing or self-congratulatory autobiographical nonsense.

My only problem (and I've edited ten books) was with your short second paragraph: " There’s not much difference between day and noon; both seem orange, grainy, and colorless to me." I'm thinking you meant to write daybreak. And it is a contradiction to say the sky is both orange and colorless.

The first paragraph, on the other hand, describes it as sepia and I think that's a great word to use. It reminds me of the air in Beijing.

Expand full comment
1 more comment...

No posts