Very nice. I was captured by the very first paragraph. I like the fact that you use the term "carts" to describe some conveyances. This is an unusual term where I live. You did a good job with the dialog, and it wasn't interrupted by too much inner musing or self-congratulatory autobiographical nonsense.
My only problem (and I've edited ten books) was with your short second paragraph: " There’s not much difference between day and noon; both seem orange, grainy, and colorless to me." I'm thinking you meant to write daybreak. And it is a contradiction to say the sky is both orange and colorless.
The first paragraph, on the other hand, describes it as sepia and I think that's a great word to use. It reminds me of the air in Beijing.
Thanks for the feedback. I like your take and as for the line; there's not much difference between day and noon, I meant to say that the sky color remains the same because of the polluted atmosphere, the dust, particulate matter, sulphur dioxide and other gases pumped up from the factories. The kind of atmosphere you might see in smog season but it's intensity increased
Very nice. I was captured by the very first paragraph. I like the fact that you use the term "carts" to describe some conveyances. This is an unusual term where I live. You did a good job with the dialog, and it wasn't interrupted by too much inner musing or self-congratulatory autobiographical nonsense.
My only problem (and I've edited ten books) was with your short second paragraph: " There’s not much difference between day and noon; both seem orange, grainy, and colorless to me." I'm thinking you meant to write daybreak. And it is a contradiction to say the sky is both orange and colorless.
The first paragraph, on the other hand, describes it as sepia and I think that's a great word to use. It reminds me of the air in Beijing.
Thanks for the feedback. I like your take and as for the line; there's not much difference between day and noon, I meant to say that the sky color remains the same because of the polluted atmosphere, the dust, particulate matter, sulphur dioxide and other gases pumped up from the factories. The kind of atmosphere you might see in smog season but it's intensity increased